Articles
Whoso Findeth a Wife - Part 8 & 9
The Weaker Vessel “Whoso Findeth a Wife” Part 8
(by Dene Ward)
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The concept of “vessel” as figurative of bodies, lives, even nations, has been well established since Old Testament times (1 Sam 21:4,5; Psalm 11:12; Isa 65:4; Jer 18). The figure is continued in the New Testament in passages such as Acts 9:15; 2 Cor 4:7; Rom 9:19ff; 2 Tim 2:20,21, as well as the passage above. In both the Hebrew and Greek the word literally means “utensil” or “instrument.” In the Peter passage the word “woman” is actually mistranslated as a noun when it should be an adjective: …giving honor unto the womanly vessel…” as opposed to the manly. In other words, the man is an instrument too, and both man and woman are instruments of God, not one of the other, joint-heirs of the grace of life.
I read an article once using the metaphor of crystal goblets and Mason jars. Which is the weaker (more fragile) vessel? Yet which one is treated with the most honor (care, protection)? In many societies the men have used their greater strength to take advantage of the women, using them as workhorses, and ignoring their needs. When I was younger I heard a man say, “In my day, women used to have babies and go out and work in the field the next day.” My husband replied, “And a lot more of them died young too.” It has only been in modern civilization that the average lifespan of women has surpassed that of men. A good many of the laws that seem slanted against women in the Old Testament, were actually given for their protection. The Scriptures teach that men are not to take advantage of women just because of their greater physical strength but to give them the honor and care of a fragile, crystal goblet.
Some have a problem with the word “weaker.” The word does not mean “weak.” It is a word of comparison. It means “less strong,” and it certainly does not apply to intellect or emotion. As we recently discovered, the woman of Proverbs 31 possesses the strength to handle life’s problems instead of being another emotional burden on her husband. A man wants a woman who can keep her head in a crisis, bear disappointment with a smile, and take heartbreak without a complete collapse. And yes, it is right for him to want a woman who can and will work alongside him without complaining. I have dug ditches in a monsoon next to my husband to keep our house from washing away. But he sent me in after the worst was done, to rest and dry off while he “just finished up,” another hour’s work. There are times when things must be done and one has to muster up as much physical strength as possible, but the strongest man is still stronger than the strongest woman. Until all athletic contests are no longer gender specific and the women are regularly winning, there is no denying that men are physically stronger.
The media consistently presents the man of the family as a buffoon, a bumbling idiot who must always be saved from himself by a far more intelligent, cultured, sensible wife. Do you think I haven’t heard Christian women talk about their men like that? God designed the man to be the provider & protector, 1 Tim 5:8; Gen 3:17-19, even to giving his life for his wife if necessary, Eph 5:25. Let him use what God put in him! Nowadays we are so civilized that there is seldom any substantive need for real protection—no wild animals, no angry natives, no longer any dramatic way to prove himself. Then, to make it worse, we steal our husbands’ self-esteem by complaining about the standard of living he has provided, laughing at his attempts to buy us gifts or insulting his careful planning for our financial security. If you don’t think you are being treated with the honor you deserve, maybe it’s because you have not let him honor you in the only ways he knows how, the ways God programmed into him.
It is up to you to let your husband be the head of the house. Eph 5:22 never tells the husband to put his wife into subjection. In the same way, he cannot “nourish and cherish” you (literally “feed and warm”) if you do not let him (Eph 5:29). God used marriage as a pattern for His relationship with His people. He had a problem when His “wife” went to someone besides Him for her needs and her protection, and when she insisted that she could take care of herself without Him, Hos 2:5-13. What makes us think a man will feel any differently when we act like we don’t need him? “But if any provide not for his own, and specially his own household, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)
The Cistern “Whoso Findeth a Wife” Part 9
(by Dene Ward)
“Drink waters out of your own cistern, And running waters out of your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And be ravished always with her love.” Proverbs 5:15-19
In many ladies’ Bible class books on marriage, any reference to the sexual relationship is either absent or barely skimmed over. Obviously, no one is comfortable with this topic, and maybe that is why more and more marriages are falling apart due to adultery. God has a plan for marriage, and when we neglect any part of that plan, it will not be the perfect plan He created. The passage above from Proverbs is not only beautiful, but plainly written and instructive if we do more than read through it quickly with our eyes cast down in embarrassment.
Yes, there is a possessiveness that is right in a marriage, just as God, who depicted His relationship with His people as a marriage, said, “I am a jealous God.” I have every right to expect my husband to be mine and mine alone, and he has every right to expect the same from me. In fact, we each have the right to expect that we were the only ones ever. When I give myself to another man before marriage, I have defrauded my future husband of what is rightfully his and his alone, and the same holds true for men. God is an equal opportunity God.
The physical relationship between a husband and wife is not only intimate, it is private, not for general consumption, and sacred in that privacy. This part of the relationship is too precious to be thrown into the street for just anyone to see or hear about. The fountain here is a parallelism for the cistern, a deep well hewn out of rock. If the fountain is “blessed,” a Hebrew word that is often translated “happy,” it becomes obvious that the woman is neither abused nor does she dislike the sexual aspect of marriage. That is emphasized further when the writer continues, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” This relationship is a joyful one. Despite the culture we live in, there are things that a husband and wife do that unmarried couples do not do. Ladies, not only does God expect you to enjoy this part of your marriage, it can ruin it for the man you say you love if you do not. I found a commentator who said that could correctly be translated, “whom you married in your youth.” In other words, they are no longer young, but they are still together. God designed marriage for one man and one woman for one lifetime. He designed this aspect of marriage the same way. This couple in Proverbs is no longer young but they are still enjoying the sexual relationship God designed. Frequency and intensity may change, but the need for intimacy in a marriage never goes away. If you find yourself married to a man you no longer know, maybe it’s because you amputated part of the relationship.
This husband, despite his wife’s advancing age, is content with what he has. We have already spoken about keeping yourself desirable to him as much as possible. But even as your outer beauty fades, you can keep him happy and content by giving him what he needs and wants, when he needs it and wants it. Consider 1 Corinthians 7:2-5; this passage does not say, “You are mine, I can do with you what I want.” What it does say is, “I am yours, I will do what you want.” The obligation is on the giver not the taker. Too many women do not understand the real need that God has placed in a man’s body. Testosterone makes him more aggressive, which enhances his desire to protect you. It also makes him more easily aroused sexually. When you fill that need, it helps to cement the relationship he has with you and his desire to protect and provide for his family. If you do not allow him to fulfill that need in this godly manner, not only can you damage the relationship, you may be responsible for causing him to stumble (sin), and God will hold you accountable. The Hebrew word for cistern (bor) is sometimes used of a dungeon or prison—a deep one. When a man is locked into a sexless marriage, he is in a very real prison, one where he is tempted almost beyond endurance every day of his life, but unable to get out of it and stay faithful to the God he also made that marriage covenant before. Yes, God allows for a time of abstinence to “devote yourself to prayer.” Most of the enforced abstinence I know of happens because she got mad and wanted to punish him, not so she could pray. Ladies, you are playing with fire when you do this, and you may just get burned—eternally.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the word translated “ravished” means to be deceived or to go astray. What? I thought confusedly. Then I got it. He is so enraptured, enamored, entranced, and captivated by her that he simply loses his good sense. Like a man who is intoxicated, he wants no one but her, and she is on his mind day and night. If you have a man who treats you like that, it can be the most erotic thing in the world. Most of us are not beautiful in the world’s eyes, nor glamorous, but a man who treats you like you are is all any woman really needs. Now you give him what he needs. Don’t make him beg. Don’t make him miserable. Treat him like the love of your life, the man who provides and protects to the best of his ability and wants nothing more than to be with you and you alone forever.
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